so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just found puke in my bra..
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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