I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
