I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
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This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
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Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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