We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
