I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize