She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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