i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
