We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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