Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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