just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
