I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
