Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
