I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
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I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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