Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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