like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
