Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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