it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
