Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
