Well apparently he's into motor boating.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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