Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
not ubering you a puppy
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
