I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
