Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
