Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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