the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Randomize
