And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
