Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
