I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
