did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
