At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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