yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
