dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
