You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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