did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
