Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
