So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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