I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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