I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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