Ambien. No doubt about it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
