I accidentally burped into my bong.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
