he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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