he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
