So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
