Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
