and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
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I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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