We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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