Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
