Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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