I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
