fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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