i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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