I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
