my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
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OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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