I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize