The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
