my phone needs a breathalizer
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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