i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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