In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize
