I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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