He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
