Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
