If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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