you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
