I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
