I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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