If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
