I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
