Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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