If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
