Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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