..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
