So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's rum buckets o'clock
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect