I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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