whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
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well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
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I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.