Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart