I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
