Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?