Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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