I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
