i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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