You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Oh god it's open bar.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
